I’m So Anxious

6:15 p.m
That’s the time of Sabrina and my appointment with John, my therapist. I am unbelievable nervous and anxious. Our last session was so upsetting. I hope and pray that we can work out our problems. I miss my daughter and granddaughters. I miss talking to Sabrina, even if she’s complaining about her Job or traffic. I miss her.

I have taken WAY too much Klonopin today, but my IBS is out of control and the anxiety is unbearable. My mind has been racing, thinking of what to say and how to say it. Then I think, “Stop trying to anticipate the session. Focus on keeping calm.” But there are things I need to say. I don’t want a phony, superficial relationship–“How’s the weather? How’s the job?” etc. I want a real relationship. I don’t know if it’s possible. But I love my daughter and granddaughters. Please, God, let us be able to work this out.

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About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
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