I was right to be apprehensive about our (Sabrina and my) appointment with John yesterday. She was pleasant when she came in, a little depressed, I think, because she didn’t get the job she was so certain she was going to get. She’s applied some other places. Hope she gets a better job soon.
Anyway, she plopped into the chair in John’s office, and when he asked her to talk, she was quite reticent most of the time. But when he asked her for a specific incident that upset her (he sees she is very angry with me), she brought up something she believes I said 2 or 3 years ago about going to college that made her feel bad. But then she brought up an in incident from.HAWAII when I visited and things were really bad between her and Chris. Apparently Chris told him that I said she was crazy and angry and needed Prozac and that he should get custody of the kids! Yikes! What a liar! I do remember the visit and how she ignored me and chatted with people in chat rooms on the internet most of the time. I finally became so frustrated that I went for a walk, and Chris saw me and picked me up. I know that I expressed my frustration to him, but I never said what she said I told him. She thinks it has to be true because he is so dumb that he would have no idea what Prozac was. I probably told him that I was taking Prozac, or had taken it, and I did tell him that I had just flow 8,000 miles to see her and she was glued to the computer and I felt ignored. NEVER did I say what he said I said. I wish she had told me then and we could have talked it out. Why did she believe him?!
So now it comes out, and I had to sit and listen and repeat what I heard her say (Got it right. Yay me.). And she was supposed to do the same when I talked. She did OK. But at the end, John thought we should not talk again until our next meeting, and I wasn’t happy about that because I miss my daughter and I am becoming more and more depressed (didn’t mention that part). Then John politely said that I had repeated myself and that annoys Sabrina and she tunes me out. So I explained that I had repeated myself for John’s benefit and because I didn’t like John’s dictum of not talking. But we aren’t speaking still. She quickly left and said not a word to me.
I see John next Tuesday. We will definitely have a long talk, even if I have to crawl there. I guess I left like he was overly focused on Sabrina and her anger. But I have a lot of hurt, and yes, anger, about her, too. But I guess I push it down and bury it instead of holding on to it and letting it destroy our relationship.
We are both supposed to make a list of upsetting events and we will start to explore them next time. John said that we made great progress in communication, so why do I feel so rotten?I started by titling this “Ate Too Late…” because I had a terrible dream. about Cassie. I dreamt that she was pregnant! Cassie! And I was with her at the hospital when she was ready to havd the baby. The plan was that I was going to take care of the baby while she went to school. I have no idea who the father was, and that wasn’t brought up. It didn’t seem important; I guess he wasn’t involved. Bizarre.