Still Waiting For…


I went to see both Dr. S and John today. Dr. S doubled my new med to see if it would help my sleeping. About my agorophia, she says I have to FORCE myself to go out. She also decided to increase my Klonopin to 1 mg 3 times a day. That should help my anxiety, she says. I certainly hope so.

I also tried to find a piercing shop and ended up at Essence Tatoo. They recommended Buddha Box near Evers and 410. So I will go there tomorrow after I see Bart. I may need some pain after asking for more money.

Tonight I talked to Cassie and told her that I will pick up their notes on Wednesday. Then I’ll mail the package on Friday after Juma’. Maybe that will force me to go to Islam 101 on Wednesday night, and to Juma’ on Friday. It’s worth a try.

When I talked to John today, we talked about my disappointment about not seeing nor talking much to Sabrina after our “moment” last week. He thinks that I need to give her LOTS of space; it’s the only way she will see that I am NOT the source of her anxiety. Clint is the main source of her anxiety, I believe. I make no apologies for my dislike of him. I find him arrogant, domineering, not very bright, extremely volatile, and generally not a nice person. I have a good reason: he told MY DAUGHTER to throw me out of HER house (which he thinks is his). I had helped them out. Then HIS parents borrow Sabrina’s car for a month and basically wreck it, and hop a plane to Saudi Arabia before anyone can find out all the damage they did. The girls said Sabrina was angry. She should have been. The cheap people should have rented a car, or at least given Sabrina money to take care of what they did to the car. But I guess I will never know how Clint reacted. Dollars to donuts he would NOT have tossed HIS parents out of the house.

I hate having him feeding Sabrina the crap that I am the cause of her anxiety. I hate having to stay away from my daughter. I hate that she doesn’t want to see or talk to me because he (maybe she) thinks I cause stress in her life. I hate that she uses me to do her chores by taking her children to appointments and never thanks me. She uses me then I should disappear until the next time she needs me (or my money). I HATE THIS. IT MAKES ME WANT TO CRY.

And so I think I will.

About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
This entry was posted in depression, feeling used, psychiatrist, relationships, sadness, therapist. Bookmark the permalink.

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