My Trip

I am glad that I went to NY, even though I have mixed emotions. It was wonderful being with Pattie. We had great talks. She understands me and the problems with Sabrina. Joanne is so much like my mother–go, go, go. Dragging me all around (except to Marie’s; she was more into taking me to see Danielle and the kids, and Katie and her new house. And Pat who really didn’t care that I was there. And she HAD to take me to the old house, which is in foreclosure and the owners had put in a ridiculous pool that made the garage unusable. Our life in that house is gone, but still she holds on to it. For me it was depressing. She did put a lot of old photos on disk for me. I brought her pies, which she ignored. But I did get to see and deal with snow — about 2 inches on Friday. It was pretty. I had a great time at John’s. He and Chris and I talked and talked. I understand his frustration with Robbie. He said my book was well written and will probably turn out good. I just know I have to keep it focussed on the spiritual journey. It’s hard because I’m doing the blog, too, and they can overlap a lot. He gave me a $5,000 check and one to the ASPCA. The only other response I got was a no from Tom. Even with self -addressed stamped envelope. I just asked for $5 or $10. But I loved being with John and Chris. They get me, and my problems with Sabrina, too.
I am worried about the session with John and Sabrina tomorrow. I am so afraid it will be a set back and she and Clint will take things out on the girls and they will feel I betrayed them. I am so anxious.
My job now is author. I jotted a lot of notes yesterday on the plane. I need to tell my story, even if no one reads it. It’s my story.
I just feel jealous of Joanne. Sabrina did bring packages in, so she knows what a mess it is. Still feeling sad and depressed. And so very much alone.

About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
This entry was posted in anxiety, depression, feeling like I don't belong, glad to be home, jealousy, trip to NY, writing. Bookmark the permalink.

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