I am so grateful that I have such a good psychiatrist and therapist. I called John this morning about the woman who does organizing and works with hoarders. He called her and she is going to call me tomorrow, and hopefully we can set up a time for her to work with me.
Dr. S was concerned about how I was feeling so suicidal weekend before last. She said to try taking Saphris and sleeping for awhile. But if I really am overwhelmed by the suicidal thoughts, to go to Methodist Specialty and Transplant Hospital. Having a couple of days to calm down is the best thing to do. She said to remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. Those are wise words.
I realized this morning and last night that there was no way I could get everything cleaned up so that the cleaners could clean. I packed 2 bags last night (all the stuff in the bathroom and half the stuff in the bedroom) and my back was killing me. Today I hung up about 5 outfits. I need to spend a little time every day on something, I guess. It’s so hard to get motivated. It seems so overwhelming.
When I meet with John, Dr. S thinks Sabrina and I need to talk about better communication, especially about holidays or events. She understands that I am in an odd position because I don’t want to interfere or push myself onto them. It’s difficult to plan things with them because they live such chaotic lives and nothing gets planned ahead.
In the 2 years that Sabrina and Clint have been married, we have seen each other only about 10-15 times. That’s just seeing–not interacting. That just doesn’t seem normal. But there is not much I can do about it. I just have a feeling that I don’t like him, and I think he feels the same about me.
So John and I have a lot to talk about. And I’m so glad that I saw Dr. S today. I always feel better after I have talked to her.
I ordered my oil painting supplies today on line. I was very glad that I could do that and not have to go to Hobby Lobby or Michael’s and waste time looking for the materials and not finding them. This way I could get everything I needed and it will be delivered.
I have to try to take the Saphris later in the evening. That is going to be hard, since I get so tired so early because I wake up so early. But I will try. Maybe start trying to do 9 p.m., then 9:30 p.m. and work up to 10 p.m.
Pattie’s show went well, and she loved my flowers. She is using them as her profile pic on FB. How nice.