Up Early


I woke early again (4:45 a.m.) but have no intention of trying to get back to sleep as it is now well after 5 a.m. So I decided to write a little about what I’m thinking now. It’s even too early for Fajr. Not for another hour. But I wake at about the same time every day, and look what happened yesterday when I did go back go sleep for a bit. I woke extremely late. And this morning my IBS has kicked in, so I’d best take my med for that.

Speaking of meds, I have several refills to call in this morning to I can pick them up later. On the agenda today is my Gentle Yoga class which I need to go to since i missed the first 2 classes and there is a women’s project lecture this afternoon that I signed up for. It would be good to get out–force myself to get out of the house and go–as I also have to go to Kinko’s to fax those papers tp Argosy for transfer of credit. I doubt any will transfer but it’s worth a try. I will ask William Ross about that if I end up at Walden, the only school I’ve been admitted to so far. The only thing that is holding up my application at The Chicago School is my application fee. How could I have forgotten it? When I forget things like that, I worry that I’m getting Alzheimers. Truly, I do. I don’t know what is holding up Argosy; they should have my Niagara transcript by now. Or maybe not. They may not be sending it out until my fee is processed and there was the problem with the change of number of my debit card. That has to go to The Chicago School, too. But I don’t have to do anything about Walden until next Wednesday because William will be out of town until next Wednesday. Then I hope to have an answer from everyone and have to make a decision. The Chicago School is still my first choice, even though it’s only for the certificate program at this point and not the Masters program. But all those credits will transfer into the Masters program.

Oh dear. Poor Ernie is throwing up.Maybe the little pizza upset his tummy. He is under the couch, waiting for me, while I am waiting for the time for Fajr.

I had more school dreams last night. I remembered them when I woke up in the middle of the night for a minute, but don’t remember anything about them except they were school-related, and I thought, “I should remember having more school dream.” Maybe I should try writing down my dream at time if I awake and see if I can figure out what they all mean. The down side is, will I be able to get back to sleep after I write, no matter how qucikly. Dream have a habit of slipping through your fingers like smoke; you can just barely see them but you can not catch them. That’s part of what makes dreams so intriguing. I think they are often representations of what we have remembered from our daily lives or what we fear. Sometimes, quite often really, I have work-related dreams. The place of work could be the State Education Department in NY (where I haven’t worked in nearly 18 years!), or Harcourt where I spent mostly happy years until my last year there when Margie arrived, or Pearson, in which Tish and Jon are always present because I feel bad still because I think I let them down. They were really so caring and good to me by letting me take disability leave instead of firing me. Sometimes all those people are in the same dream at some place of work (once it was the insurance company that I worked for during the summers in insurance, which was a very odd dream indeed.)

I’ve only dreamed about Doug once or twice. The divorce was so traumatic that one would think that I would dream about him more often. I dream more about Jimmie, and we have been divorced for 32 years. But the dreams he appears in are always pleasant ones, since I really have forgiven him and still care about him. He is, after all, Sabrina’s father and the first love of my life, I will always have a loving place in my heart for him, even though he hurt me terribly. I felt bad for him when Pattie left, but I totally understand why she left. His drinking is out of control even now and he can be a really mean drunk to the people he supposedly loves (he was violent with Pattie and verbally abusive to me), but he is a happy drunk and the life of the party until he gets messy drunk. But he is charming and everyone loves him. I think he has a little contact with Bonnie, and I’m glad to see that she has moved on with her life after he dumped her for Pattie. He and Pattie have no contact, which is probably for he best, but I know he is still hurt that she left him. He never had to experience being dumped before. Maybe it was good because he apologized to me–what a shocker–because he now knows what it feels like to be the dumpee instead of the dumper. I didn’t know that Pattie had actually gotten pregnant with him but had a miscarriage. Having Lilly is truly a miracle for her and she seems quite happy with Tim who seems very nice and well suited to her and Lilly.

Well it’s time for Fajr–finally. I need to go say prayers and then call the pharmacy and see if I can wake up enough to go to my classes. And try my damnedest to get myself out of the house and be with people.

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About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
This entry was posted in love, new meds, past events, reconciliation, relationship issues, understanding, univeristy, work and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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