What Part of Life Confuses You Most?

The part of life that confuses me the most is romantic love. Falling in love with someone is a wonderful experience and makes you feel on top of the world. When you are in love, it’s even been proven that you have less physical pain and substances are released that make you feel happy and euphoric. But this romantic feeling doesn’t seem to last. People fall out of love so quickly, even when they’ve made a commitment to one another. In any relationship, there will be ups and downs, highs and lows, but if you really love someone, you will weather the storms and still be in love. The euphoria might not be there, but the true love will last.

Unfortunately, at least for me, true love has alluded me. I have been in love–real love–with a man, my university sweetheart and thought that we would be able to get through anything together. I loved Jim with all my heart. I would have done anything for him. But he found someone else; he cheated on me and left me and our daughter for her. He stayed with her for a long time, probably 15 years, and he met someone else and left her and her daughter for his new love. That relationship lasted maybe 10 years, and she left him for someone else. What happened to true love that lasts forever? Is it just that I chose poorly who I fell in love with?

I found someone who said he loved me and would stay with me forever. I wasn’t in love with him but thought that he would be good to me and never leave me. Our relationship was not satisfying to either of us, I think. He had sexual performance problems, but I genuinely cared for him, even though I have to say I was not badly in love with him. I stayed with him because I had made marriage vows to stay with him for better or for worse. We tried marriage counseling but he was incapable of listening to me say the simplest things. But I still remained faithful. However, when I ran into trouble with credit card debt, he immediately filed for divorce. So much for loving someone forever. He had been in love with an illusion, with a woman so didn’t really exist, for nearly 30 years, not the real person.

So it confuses me. Is there anyone out there who really believes in true love and stays true to their marriage vows? This is the part of life that confuses me the most.

The part of life that least confuses me is the love a parent has for a child, especially the love a mother has for her child. You cannot give birth to and raise a child without having a bond of love that cannot be broken. Children will break your heart, but not the bond of love you have for them, if you’re a normal person. Parents will even enable their children to do things they shouldn’t because they love them so much. Most of this type of love is from mothers. Fathers are able to distance themselves a little more from their children, but mothers will lay down their lives for their children. Since I have a child who is now 35 years old and has broken my heart countless times, I will never stop loving her. There is nothing she could do that would lessen my love for her. This is the part of life that is the least confusing to me.

About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
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