Better With Age?

I always thought that love with your sweetheart would get better with age. I believed that as you aged, you would learn more about each other and appreciate each other more. At least in my case, that never happened. My college sweetheart and I married, had a child, and he left us when she was 2 years old after having an affair with a softball groupie. I spent 15 long years alone, with two brief affairs and some dates.

Then I married a cor-worker with whom I had worked nearly 20 years. We were married nearly 10 years and they were not easy years. He had had a crush on me and had a particular illusion of what I was like. When it turned out I wasn’t the perfect woman, he grew very distance. I am at fault, as well. I didn’t realize that most of his values did not correspond to mine. We grew apart; he moved out of the bedroom because he couldn’t perform sexually (he was 12 years older than I). The final straw came when I got into credit card debt (my own, not his) and he decided to divorce me. He had me served with the divorce papers in our own driveway while he watched from the porch. He is without a doubt the cruelest person I have ever known. He has no emotions except anger, something he was taught from childhood. My dreams of finding a lover with whom I could grow old and spend my life with have not worked out. So that is a disappointment of growing older.

On the other hand, I never knew that having a relationship with my grandchildren could be so rewarding and satisfying. My twin granddaughters are 15 years old now, and I have been near them since they moved to San Antonio when they were 3 years old. I have watched them grow from toddlers to awkward pre-teens to sophisticated high school studnets. The older they get, the more I love them and the more I find to do with them. They are such fun to be around and I love to take them to dinner or to the movies or to do community service projects with them. They are intelligent, witty, beautiful, caring young women and I so proud to be their grandmother and have a chance to spend time with them. I pray that Allah (swt) gives me many more years to watch them grow and mature into competent, wonderful women.

Life doesn’t turn out the way we imagine it will sometimes and disappoints us. You can’t take it personally or let it ruin the rest of your life. At other times life takes a completely different turn and we find ourselves with the most amazing surprises. But that is just the way life is. Hopefully, the surprises are more frequent than the disappointments.

About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
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