What I’ve Learned


This may seem obvious to other people but it wasn’t in my mind. Things and situations change. The way things are today may not (and probably) won’t be the same as they are today.

Mt daughter and I have had a very rocky relationship for the past year. Things came to a head in August and i thought that our relationship could never be repaired. However, through counseling and each of us giving a little, we have been able to come to a place where our relationship is actually decent at the moment.

Sabrina is my only child and my only relative (besides her daughters) here in San Antonio. I was really afraid that with our broken relationship that I was all alone in the world. My other family is 2,000 miles away and although we tolerate each other, we aren’t all that close. My sister has her daughters and grandchildren near her, and my brother. I don’t want to move back to New York, at least not upstate New York where I am from. It is so small town and parochial. That’s not where I want to be. I’ve lived here over 18 years and this is really home now. To make a drastic change and leave my closest relatives here was something I considered when things were so bad, but I was distraught about doing something so drastic.

But things change. Situations change. My psychiatrist told me that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary situation. That keeps me going–knowing that each situation we pass through in life is only temporary. More than likely, the situation will change, and in my case, things have changed for the better. If things had changed for the worse, I would have had to make different decisions. Maybe they would not have been pleasant. But change is ever present in out lives. That is what I have learned this past year.

About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
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