Regaining Trust


I’m not sure that trust can ever be completely regained once it is broken. I’ve had a lot of experience with broken trust. I have been married twice and both time, my husbands betrayed me, although in different ways. One cheated on me and had an affair (which turned in to a marriage). That was a terrible betrayal, but he did the same thing to her years later. I guess what goes around comes around. His third wife left him, which was when he began to realize how hurtful his actions had been. I had long ago forgiven him, but he asked for my forgiveness (I nearly passed out). I still care very much about him; he was my first love and I will always care about him, even though he’s engaging again in destructive behaviors.

My second husband became enraged that I has run up credit card bills (in my name only) but he was worried that there might be credit problem for him, so he divorced me. He had me served with the papers when I returned from working the week 200 miles away in my own driveway while he watched from the porch. What a coward. He said he was only protecting himself. Our marriage was not a happy one and if was difficult to get him to participate with a therapist (he could not or would not follow the simplest directions in the office). But we had made vow to stay together in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer. He apparently had no trouble breaking those vows, even though he claimed loyalty was the highest value. I guess it isn’t if it doesn’t fit your needs.

It has been 8 years since our breakup and I still have not gotten over it. I am glad I’m no longer married to him and I know I’m better off without him, but the fact of the broken trust is still there and I am having difficulty in forgiving him. I have no love in my heart for him. I could understand my first husband and his affairs, but I cannot understand my second husband’s cruelty and betrayal. I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive him especially when he was rather nasty afterward about my retrieval of my belongs. My therapist had to interfere and got them back. I cannot forgive his cruelty and his cowardice.

I cannot trust and will not trust these two men again and it makes it difficult for me to trust men in general. I guess I’ve generalized that men cannot be trusted, that they will always do whatever is to their advantage and to hell with everyone else the leave in their wake.

I’m had other examples of broken trust and betrayal and I am trying to get over them because I truly love the people who betrayed me. I am willingly to give them a second chance because I don’t think their abandonment of trust was deliberate and mean-spirited. But I will always be cautious around them and not trust them completely as I once did.

Regaining trust in someone is one of the most difficult things that a person can do after they have betrayed the trust of someone. Sometimes it can never be regained; sometimes it takes a long time to trust again.

About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
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