After I said my prayers yesterday evening, I decided to do this exercise. I sat in silence, albeit more like a Sufi dhikr, where one says a name for God over and over in one’s mind. Sort of like meditation in the Christian contemplative world. So that is what I did.
I thought I would sit for maybe a half-hour in the silence and repeat my dhikr. It was so relaxing and peaceful to sit in the quiet with no distractions. When thoughts came into my mind, I just let them float through and eventually leave as I went back to my dhikr. My therapist taught me to do this. It’s like a revolving rack in the dry cleaners. The thoughts hang like clothing and since they aren’t what you want, you just let them pass by without taking them down and examining them. I kept returning to my dihikr.
As time passed, I was not really aware that time was passing. I thought that maybe I would sit in the silence for half an hour. But when I reluctantly came out of the quiet, I found that I had been sitting in my silence for an hour! I could have stayed there much longer.
What did I learn about myself in the silence? That I relish the quiet and silence, that I like saying my dhikr, that silence is special. The dhikr helped me focus and keep the thoughts from interfering with the relaxing quiet I was experiencing. I also realized that I should say my dhikr more often because it is beneficial to me as well as honoring God.
The silence was just what I needed after a long day of CASA work. I will definitely sit in the silence more often.