They Broke My Heart

I’m actually going to describe a minor heartbreak and a major heartbreak for today’s post. As for the minor heartbreak, I was in high school (a junior, I think) and a school semi-formal dance was coming up. I had been dating a boy I’ll call Keith on and off for the last two years. I mentioned one day at our lunch table at our all girls’ school that I was thinking of asking Keith to the dance. My best friend, who knew Keith very well, advised me not to ask him because he had told his friends at his all boys’ school that I was a cold fish. I was crushed that he would say that about me to others, so I didn’t ask him to the dance and asked I boy I knew not very well instead. I had a good time at the dance but I was minorly heartbroken that Keith could have been so cruel to talk about me like that.

The second heartbreak was by far the bigger one and could be classified as a real heartbreak. I was married to a man I’ll call Eddie. We had been married for six years and had a two-year-old daughter. I didn’t realize it, but he had been cheating on me with a softball groupie named Connie the entire summer before our daughter turned two. I should have realized what was going on. He talked about her alot. Then I came down with two STDs, a URI, and body lice. I should have known then that he was fooling around at that point but I trusted him completely. Then he stopped coming home on time over the weekends and we didn’t go out; he would stand me up. His own wife. Finally on the first of November, he said he was moving out because we weren’t getting along well. He wasn’t home long enough for us to get along. I asked if we could go to counseling. He refused. So he moved out. About two months later, he showed up to pick up our daughter for a visit and brought Connie with him. Then I put it all together. A good family friend then told me that he had been seeing her all summer and fall. It all fell into place. I felt like a fool.

I was totally heartbroken that my marriage had failed because Eddie had told me that I was no fun anymore. Of course I wasn’t as fun as Connie. I had a two-year-old to care for and worked all day and had a house to clean and care for. He refused to admit that he had been cheating on me but I knew from various friends and the consequences of the cheating on my health. This rejection totally crushed me and my spirit. I went to counseling after that and that helped me get through this difficult time.

I forgave Eddie a long time ago. I maintained a civil relationship with both him and Connie after they eventually got married for the sake of our daughter. He ended up cheating on Connie and left her with a small child. Then later the third wife left him for someone else. When I saw him nearly 30 years after he left me, after his third divorce, he finally apologized to me for what he did to me, because he said he now understood the trauma he had put me through. We still speak civilly and I wish him well.

I also wish Keith well. We were just kids. I wouldn’t “put out” and suffered the consequences. That’s the way it goes.

About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
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2 Responses to They Broke My Heart

  1. Harri says:

    Thats so awful about your marriage, I am so sorry. Of course it wasn’t your fault, whilst he was out with ‘fun’ people, you were caring for his child, keeping his home clean and livable for him… what chance did you have! You didn’t deserve it at all, and I am glad he got his comeuppance in the end.

    You are a very strong person to be able to be civil and wish him well, but it’s the only way to stay sane. Anger just makes you hurt more inside. Good for you for getting through it xxx

  2. Well, that’s nice that he at least apologized. Pardon me for being a bit bitter myself, but fat lotta good that did you by then, and could’ve come a lot sooner.
    I told my first husband to go get some help for the alcohol/drug use and violent temper he had. I told him he couldn’t come back home till he did, but I would pray for him and wait for him. I did. He didn’t. He just went out and found someone that would do the crap with him, which was an old friend of mine who was by then a dancer. They happily did their drugs and beat the shit out of each other for several years after. It wasn’t until my kids were in their teens many years later when he finally apologized to me, and if you can believe it had the audacity to ask me out on a date! Huh? I looked at my teenage son who was standing in the driveway next to me and asked, “What’s that favorite phrase of mine I use all the time?” He replied, “Cold day in hell?” “Yeah, that’s it.” I said smiling. I turned to look at my ex-husband who had cheated on me, beat me up for years, who I had struggled to stay with, survived poverty because of, and said, “It’d be a cold day in hell! Been there, done that, and it sucked the first time so why would I want to go back!” He just chuckled. He knew what my answer would be.

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