Why Is It Hard To Forgive?


The prompt for today is actually a good one. Why do we find it so hard to forgive someone for wronging us? One reason is our pride, which has undoubtedly been wounded by someone, and it’s hard to get over our pride.

Another reason, and I think this is major one, is that we don’t easily forget the wound we have suffered. If anything, our minds magnify the wound or situation and make it seem worse than it originally was. We tend to hold grudges and have a tough time putting aside the wrong that has been done to us. We build up the wrong-doing in our minds and make it bigger than it was.

An example of unforgiveness is my indiscreet blogging about my daughter when I was angry with her and hurt because of something she did. Her wrong-doing magnified itself in my mind as we didn’t talk about the injury. Then I wrote about the situation when I was upset, which was also a huge mistake. Now she is angry and unforgiving of me for writing about the situation, because she read my blog and was upset by my anger. So the cycle of anger keeps going and doesn’t stop.

If only we would talk out our anger with one another in a calm fashion, forgiveness would be easier. If we weren’t so defensive in protecting our position, forgiveness would be easier.

For me right now. my daughter is still very angry and not willing to talk nor forgive. So we have a very strained relationship right now. I was not willing to talk and forgive for a while and now my daughter is not willing to talk and forgive. So the unforgiveness cycle keeps chugging along.

We need to forgive for ourselves, not for the other person. If we don’t forgive, the grudge keeps growing and eventually poisons us, not the other person. We need to forgive to heal ourselves instead of having the wrong eating away at us. It is in our best interest to forgive but so often we don’t.

It’s a sad situation. I would do anything to earn her forgiveness now but she is not willing to give it at the moment. I hope one day she will be able to see that we need each other and are wasting precious time by not forgiving.

About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
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1 Response to Why Is It Hard To Forgive?

  1. The Hook says:

    Human pride is a dangerous thing, isn’t it?

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