When I was younger, it seemed that I dealt better with anger than I do now. Maybe it had to do with the things that made me angry. I would become angry about things at work, or the way a teacher was treating my child in school. Sometimes I would get angry at my brother or sister over a family issue when my mother was alive. I seemed to be able to calm myself down by taking some deep breaths and diverting my attention toward other things.
In the past year or so, however, I have had a problem with my anger. The focus of my anger has mostly been directed toward my daughter, unfortunately. I love her with all my heart, but we have had some differences over my behavior and things that I am involved in. That has led to anger on her part and on mine. I hate to feel angry toward my daughter, and I try to apologize to her, but she holds grudges and sometimes the anger between us goes on too long. I think, what if she died and I was still angry with her? I would never get over the unresolved anger between us.
So, as I said, I try to take the high road and apologize for my behavior even if she has caused the anger. I know I contributed to it and so I try to apologize to her, but she usually doesn’t accept my apologies. To calm myself, I do meditation and dhikr remembrance, a Sufi meditation. Prayer has always helped me center myself and it certainly helps me control my anger and it does calm me down. Imagining as a part of meditation also helps. I go in my mind to the ocean and find that the sound of the waves crashing on the sand or rocks calms me down.
I would prefer that I didn’t get angry or make others angry. But being human, that’s not going to happen. I am going to become angry and people will become angry with me. Prayer and meditation helps bring me back to a still place and dispel the anger. It’s sometime I have to work on. The alternative is not tenable.