When You Get Angry, What Calms You Down?


When I was younger, it seemed that I dealt better with anger than I do now. Maybe it had to do with the things that made me angry. I would become angry about things at work, or the way a teacher was treating my child in school. Sometimes I would get angry at my brother or sister over a family issue when my mother was alive. I seemed to be able to calm myself down by taking some deep breaths and diverting my attention toward other things.

In the past year or so, however, I have had a problem with my anger. The focus of my anger has mostly been directed toward my daughter, unfortunately. I love her with all my heart, but we have had some differences over my behavior and things that I am involved in. That has led to anger on her part and on mine. I hate to feel angry toward my daughter, and I try to apologize to her, but she holds grudges and sometimes the anger between us goes on too long. I think, what if she died and I was still angry with her? I would never get over the unresolved anger between us.

So, as I said, I try to take the high road and apologize for my behavior even if she has caused the anger. I know I contributed to it and so I try to apologize to her, but she usually doesn’t accept my apologies. To calm myself, I do meditation and dhikr remembrance, a Sufi meditation. Prayer has always helped me center myself and it certainly helps me control my anger and it does calm me down. Imagining as a part of meditation also helps. I go in my mind to the ocean and find that the sound of the waves crashing on the sand or rocks calms me down.

I would prefer that I didn’t get angry or make others angry. But being human, that’s not going to happen. I am going to become angry and people will become angry with me. Prayer and meditation helps bring me back to a still place and dispel the anger. It’s sometime I have to work on. The alternative is not tenable.

About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
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2 Responses to When You Get Angry, What Calms You Down?

  1. adeeyoyo says:

    Sometimes we can get really angry with those we love the most – all the more reason not to do so if we can possibly help it. I know it’s easier said than done, unfortunately.

  2. ..differences over my behavior and things that I am involved in..
    What? Are you kidding me? I’d slap the shit out of that kid! You have every right to be angry that she thinks she can dictate anything you do. My youngest is a brat. He’s 17, a know-it-all, mouthy, spoiled brat! We definitely have our run-in’s with each other. I sure as heck am not going to let him ride my butt about something without an argument though. He gets mad at me when I get upset and cry. Hey! It took me a lot of years to be able to allow myself enough vulnerability to let myself cry like this. I’m depressed and need to snap out of it. I need to stop complaining so much. Blah, blah, blah. His list of my faults are endless. Know what I tell him? Tough shit! I’ve always told my kids I can love them wherever they are. That’s the beauty of love you can take it with you. My telling them this was to let them know just because I’m their mother does not mean it’s required of me to have them in my life. My life is messy and complicated enough that I don’t need to surround myself with negative people. My boy turns eighteen in November. It’s yet to be seen whether he’ll be living here or elsewhere by December. Time will tell. Stand your ground, Hon. Apologize for nothing!!!

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