Pick a topic from yesterday and write about it.

My Depression

I don’t like to talk about nor write about my depression. I’ve been dealing with it since I was a teenager and it’s gotten progressively worse over the years until I was in my 40s when it hit a crisis point and I had to see a professional to deal with it. It affects every aspect of my life. It’s like an ameba, that seeps into every pore of my life and darkens my life, shutting out the light until I can’t enjoy even the simplest things. It saps my energy. It leaves me fatigued. It takes the joy out of nearly everything. I go through the motions of living but I’m not really living. Doing simple basic tasks is a chore and are often not done becasue I have no energy and simply don’t care.

I am on two anti-depressants, one mood stabilizer, and one anti-anxiety drug. They help some, but they are not the answer to my prayers. I write in an anonymous blog to get some of my feelings about things that I can’t write online out of my head. I have no relationship with my daughter because of this because I can’t act appropriately. The only real joy in my life are my dogs. The mood stabilizer has helped me through suicidal periods and knowing that my dogs depend on me has helped too. Having my granddaughters around helps too. Some days are better than other. I know that this depression will always be with me and that I have to learn to live with it. A companion that I don’t want.

About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
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4 Responses to Depression

  1. misswhiplash says:

    Depression is an illness that not many people understand. They believe that you can ‘cheer yourself up’ just like that. It is not a mood , it is an illness and should be treated as such.
    Nobody says that polio, measles, or any other malady is not an illness..they can accept that because you can see somethiing to indicate an illness , but because we cannot see the illness in people’s brains, they think that it is just a down time that you are going through.
    I have deep sympathy for you my dear, I would like to wish you well, but wishes are like fishes…they swim away…but I will pray for you..Then you will begin to feel better… until then pray!

  2. Judith says:

    Comment: Oh I do feel for you friend. I cannot begin to imagine what you go through. But I must commend you for your courage in speaking/blogging about depression. I think many people suffer in silence. Warm hugs from NZ. 🙂

  3. TheIdiotSpeaketh says:

    Just know you’re not alone. I myself fight those demons. I totally understand where you are coming from. As such, I won’t give you any of that “snap out of it…it will get better…” type stuff we always here. Just know that you’re not alone. Keep fighting.

  4. The Hook says:

    Just don’t let your “Dark Companion” run your life, young woman. Take control.

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