Daily Prompt–1984

You’re locked in a room with your greatest fear. Describe what’s in the room.

I’m an introvert and a loner by nature. That’s why it’s so strange that my greatest fear in this great big room is aloneness.

I really don’t mind being alone. I can find lots of things to do while I’m alone. I have lots of hobbies. I volunteer my time with organizations, and then I’m not alone. I visit my granddaughters and take them to the movies and to breakfast and to lunch and I’m not alone. That’s not the aloneness I’m talking about.

The aloneness I fear is the aloneness of when I’m older, when the granddaughters are gone and off on their own. When I am no longer able to get out and do my volunteer work. When I’m confined to my apartment or nursing home or wherever it is that I’ll end up. I fear that aloneness. I don’t think my daughter will come to visit very often. She’ll be busy with her life, and quite frankly, I don’t think she likes me all that much, so she will use any excuse to not come to visit me. My family, my brother and sister, are in New York and I am here in Texas and they cannot visit. I will be pretty much on my own with a group of strangers for company. I will be, for all intents and purposes, alone. That is the aloneness I fear. If I’m in my apartment, I will feel rather isolated except for perhaps for the volunteer who brings meals. I will long for human contact, especially contact with my daughter, who will not want to give me contact. I will be alone with my aloneness.

That’s what I fear in the dark room. The darkness of aloneness. The coldness of the lack of human warm of a hug and a kiss. Alone. Cold. Dark. Alone.


About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
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1 Response to Daily Prompt–1984

  1. Adam S says:

    Geez, I’m getting a bit choked up reading this. You know, We may be a few years apart, but I can certainly relate to your fear of being alone. The first couple stanzas sounded like my daily internal monologue. Word for word.

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