Daily Prompt–Erasure

You have the choice to erase one incident from your past, as though it never happened. What would you erase and why?

Normally, I would not undo anything in my life because I feel that everything happens for a reason and we learn even from our mistakes. Everything turns out for the best, even the “bad” things, if we let nature take its course.

But if I had to erase one incident from my past, I would erase a major incident. I would not let major credit card debt pile up the way it did in the late 1990s and reach the scale it did. It caused the break-up of my second marriage and my declaring bankruptcy. It was pain I don’t want to relive and would like to erase. I would hope I would be wiser now and not allow that to happen again. But I would also be wiser and end my marriage without the threat of the credit card debt. I would have ended it on my own terms, instead of his terms. I could have stood up to him and left of my own accord, in my own way. The marriage was over long before the credit cards can into play, I knew that. They were just the straw that broke the camel’s back, as it were.

So the two became linked: the credit card debt and the break-up of the marriage. One I would change, the credit card debt, but the other I would not, the marriage break-up. One was a trial to be endured. One was difficult, but in the end, the best thing that could have happened to me. It gave me my freedom from a stifling marriage, a confining arrangement that was killing me, literally. It was causing my depression and migraine headaches. I was being made sick by my husband. I started to get better once I was away from him. It was a long struggle but eventually I overcame his toxic reach. I still get shivers every time I have to go on the road that leads to his house. My stomach churns and does flips when I have to go anywhere near the street that leads to his house, even though it is miles further down the road. That’s how frightened I am of him and what a hold he still has over me. When I realize he still had a box of my belongings, my therapist got involved in contacting and had him bring the box to his office instead of to me so that I didn’t have to see him or let him know where I was. Thank God for my therapist!

So I guess I would change one thing. To cause me less pain. I learned a lesson, though, through it. So I don’t entirely regret it. But if I had an erasure, that is what I would erase.

About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
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