Daily Prompt–Too Big To Fail

Tell us about something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail (and tell us why you haven’t tried it yet).

When I decide to tackle something big, I go all the way. What would I attempt if I were guaranteed not to fail? I would get married again. Yes, it would be for the third time. The third times the charm, right? Isn’t that the way the saying goes? Anyway, if I was guaranteed not to fail, I would get married again. I would fall in love with a wonderful man and get married.

wedding-bellsNow. Why haven’t I tried it yet. I’m still reeling from my last divorce about eleven years ago. I have not gotten over it. My second marriage lasted ten years. It was not a happy marriage. I was cowered by my husband. I was intimidated by him. He was constantly lecturing me. He was twelve years my senior. He treated me like I was a child. He was retired and I worked very hard at my job. I had to travel a lot. He resented that. He was extremely jealous and suspicious. He was politically conservative and I am rather liberal. We did not see eye-to-eye. In essence, he threw me out. He destroyed my self-esteem. It’s been difficult for me to gain back my self-esteem, my self-confidence since my divorce. I haven’t really wanted to be in a relationship. I didn’t have the energy.

I have been seeing my therapist trying to get over the trauma of the break-up. It has been a very long, trying struggle. As I said, my psyche has really been damaged. My self-image was destroyed by my husband. This divorce was far worse than my first divorce. I don’t know why. Maybe it was the cumulative effect. Whatever. It was worse. Maybe it was the fact that I also had to declare bankruptcy at this point. These two things led me to have very low self-worth and believe that no one would care for me.

But I’m beginning to come out of this terrible period. If I were to meet someone now, I think I could have a relationship. I would like to find a man with whom I could have a good relationship and marry. Especially if it could be guaranteed that this marriage would last and would not fail. I’d jump on that in a New York minute.

About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
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3 Responses to Daily Prompt–Too Big To Fail

  1. The Hook says:

    Beautiful share. Period.

  2. MissFourEyes says:

    What Hook said, beautiful share.
    I wish you all the best in the world.

  3. You are a romantic at heart 🙂

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