Daily Prompt–A Mystery Wrapped In An Enigma

Tell us something most people probably don’t know about you.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us MYSTERIOUS.

When people meet me and work with me, they see a person who knows what she is doing. They see a person who is concerned with children and their interests and devoted to getting their interests addressed. They see someone who is concerned with her family and who loves them very much. But there is something they don’t see.

self-esteemThey don’t see two things about me. First, that I am very shy. It is very painful for me to have to relate to people in social settings. I have social anxiety disorder. I am very nervous around other people. I am very unsure of how to act with others and constantly feel like I am “faking it.” I never feel comfortable with others. The conversation always seems stilted. I always feel like I am being judged badly by others.

The second thing is related to the first. I have very low self-esteem. I never feel I am “good enough.” I feel I am worth less than other people. I feel other people are better than I am. I feel less competent than other people. I don’t feel that I am as good as other people. I feel I should be better than I am except I don’t know how to be better.

I go to a therapist for help with these two problems. He has helped me to a degree, but I still have a problem with these feelings. I feel this way and think I always will. Most people don’t know I feel this way. I cover it pretty well, but the feelings are always there. It is a terrible way to feel. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

About mairedubhtx

I am a "youngish" grandmother of 15 year old twin granddaughter who has recently (is a year "recent"?) adopted Islam as my way of life, much to the consternation of my family. I love to read. I love to write. I am writing a book about my decision to revert, about my spiritual journey. I have another blog about stories from my youth, my parents, and grandparents. It's a blog so my OCD daughter will not be able to throw it out when I die. I suffer from depression and anxiety, for which I am treated, so my posts may be a bit dark at times. C'est la vie.
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1 Response to Daily Prompt–A Mystery Wrapped In An Enigma

  1. MissFourEyes says:

    I completely relate. I have the not-good-enough syndrome too, and I never know what to do in social settings “Where do my hands go?!”

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