Category Archives: despair

What’s The Single Most Important Thing You Accomplished in 2010?

What’s the single most important thing I accomplished in 2010? That’s a very good question. I gave it some thought and I think that the single most important thing I accomplished is adopting Islam as my way of life. The … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, daughter, depression, despair, feeling like I don't belong, granddaughters, hijab, IBS, illness, Islam, migraines, misunderstanding, Most Important Thing in 2010, outcast, rejection, relationship issues, religion, son-in-law, suicide, therapy, writing a book | Tagged | Leave a comment

I Am SOOOOO Frustrated!!!

This working/nonworking Internet has got me so frustrated. I can’t even go out because someone will come at 5 p.m. to “maybe” install a new router. No one can figure out what is going on with it. It works one … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, despair, disorganization, fear, IBS, internet, piercing, Time Warner, wasted day | Tagged | Leave a comment

I Feel As Though I’m Not Really Here

So many ridiculous things have happened in the past 10 days that I truly don’t even know what I’m feeling. I thought things were improving with my daughter until Christmas. When I didn’t even receive a call, I was so … Continue reading

Posted in anger, anxiety, Christmas, daughter, depression, despair, disorganization, feeling like I don't belong, feeling used, incidents with Sabrina, interference in my life, Islam, kidneys, meds, messiness, migraines, movie, normal life, outcast, past events, psychiatrist, reading, reality, rejection, relationship issues, restraining order, Sabrina, sadness, son-in-law, therapist, therapy | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Am A Nervous Wreck

I think I am going insane. Sabrina has twisted everything I have done or said to make it seem like I am out of my mind and can’t take care of myself. Maybe I can’t. I know the house is … Continue reading

Posted in anxiety, darkness, depression, despair, messiness, sadness, shame, Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

How did this Happen?

All I did was to tell my daughter that is she wanted more accurate information on Islam, she could simply ask me and if I didn’t know the answer I would ask our sheikh. 4 hours later, she is threatening … Continue reading

Posted in anger, anxiety, communication, depression, despair, doctors, feeling like I don't belong, feeling used, girls, granddaughters, human rights, Islam, migraines, misunderstanding, prejudices and biases, psychiatrist, rejection, relationship issues, religion, restraining order, Sabrina, sadness, son-in-law, suicidal, therapy, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Dream-Like, or Nightmare

I woke very early this morning–somewhere around 3:15 a.m. No particular reason; just awoke. I read a bit in Deserts and Mountains, took a shower, wrote in my morning pages book (have been neglecting writing my book, however). I felt … Continue reading

Posted in agorophia, being with people, books, darkness, daughter, depression, despair, dog, early rising, Ernie, fear, granddaughters, love, morning pages, my writing, outcast, psychiatrist, reading, rejection, relationship issues, sadness, suicidal, suicide, therapy, writing a book | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

A New Day

Funny what a good night’s sleep can do for the mind and the soul. It seems that everything appears the bleakest in the nighttime, especially when the day hasn’t gone so well either. The morning comes, and even though it’s … Continue reading

Posted in Allah, anger, bad mood, being taken advantage of, Christmas, depression, despair, early rising, granddaughters, incidents with Sabrina, migraines, prayers, reconciliation, rejection, relationship issues, therapy, understanding | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

More Christmas Day Thoughts

Now it’s noon. Still haven’t heard from my daughter. I guess I feel like writing about it since I can’t do anything about her lack of concern or sensitivity to me. I just hope and pray that her daughters never … Continue reading

Posted in anger, bad mood, bad relationship, being taken advantage of, Christmas, Christmas gifts, creativity, daughter, death, defining moments, depression, despair, dog, feeling like I don't belong, feeling used, my writing, paintings, rejection, relationship issues, sadness, suicide | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Is This Another One? Oh, HELL, NO!

Rarely do I write 2 blogs in one day, let alone one morning, but after prayers, after I came downstairs and opened my computer to add Palwasha to Twitter, I got an aura. Auras for me often but not always … Continue reading

Posted in auras, depression, despair, migraines | Leave a comment